It’s Trixie’s wedding day! Nurse Trixie has been with us since season one, and it almost feels like we’ve watched her grow up. We’ve seen her relationships come and go, each one leaving its imprint on her and helping her to grow and mature, leading the way to her wonderful and loving relationship with Matthew Aylward. If only we could go back in time, and tell Trixie that every time something didn’t work out in her favor, that it was leading her to this path, this life with Matthew. If only we could tell ourselves that! Trixie even reminisces with her brother, she wishes she could go back in time to her childhood, and tell little Trixie what amazing happiness awaited her.

This got me thinking, if I could go back to my childhood, high school, college self–what would I tell her? For one, I would tell her to put on some sunscreen and stay out of the tanning beds, because melanoma is no joke! I would also hold her, and tell her how beautiful her life is going to be. That all the times she felt rejected, felt like she wasn’t cool enough, or pretty enough, or settled for something that was less than we deserved were unnecessary but probably shaped how strong we are today. I would tell her about all of the amazing, strong things our body can do. That once we stop hating our body and wishing it were different, that exercise can be a joy and a release instead of a punishment. I’d tell her that we have an amazing husband who loves our weird sense of humor, even if he doesn’t always laugh at the memes we send him. I’m a mom! To 3 kids! I literally dreamed about motherhood when I was younger. I knew this was what I wanted. It is so incredibly hard but so worth it. The young people I get to raise are some of the most beautiful souls I’ve ever met. Finally, I’d tell her that our childhood dream of living on the same street as our best friend, as grown ups, came true! Extra bonus: our oldest kids are in the same class at school!

Like myself, Trixie made it through the hard times in her life because of the support of those around her. With the help of the Sisters at Nonnatus house, and her midwife friends and colleagues, she has been able to weather some intense storms! She has touched so many lives through her years working in the East End, that it was truly so beautiful to see the way they all showed up for her to celebrate her wedding day. It was truly a celebration of not only Trixie and Matthew’s love, and all they have given to the people of Poplar. I wonder what young Trixie would have thought if older Trixie told her that she would choose to stay in Poplar after marrying! Being with the ones you love is what makes a place your home.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the tragedy that occurred on Trixie’s wedding day with Lizzie and Arnold Yu. Lizzie worried about her mother and mother-in-law getting along during her labor. She was so over-the-moon in love with Arnold, newly married and so joyful to be bringing a baby into the world with him. However, their mothers were constantly at odds with each other, and it was causing a lot of stress for Lizzie and Arnold. When Lizzie faked active labor in order to have a few moments of peace and quiet alone with Arnold, their giddiness and joy to have “pulled a fast one” on their mothers was palpable. In a matter of seconds, their joy turned to devastation when their car crashed. The Turners had been running late to Trixie’s wedding, and heard the crash occur. Shelagh had been Lizzie’s primary midwife, and she, Dr. Turner, and Timothy quickly came to the couple’s aid. Right away, Arnold was moving, bloody and in shock, but alive. Lizzie was unmoving, eyes open and fixed. This is when the tears started flowing for me. For Arnold to go from the ultimate joy of knowing he was close to meeting his new baby, to mourning the loss of his wife and child, was unthinkable.

I was grateful for Shelagh’s quick thinking in those moments. While I have (thankfully) never had to be a part of a perimortem cesarean section, I do know that you have 4 minutes from when the mother dies to get the baby out. The protocol in these situations is to perform the c-section wherever you are. That’s right. Even though they were in the middle of the street, no gloves, no sterile room or special equipment, you do the c-section as fast as possible. While I was emotionally a wreck during this scene, looking back now, I can marvel at the accuracy at which the writers and producers put together this scene. The only thing that might have been a stretch is how vigorous the baby was at birth; even though they intervened quickly, and definitely delivered the baby within minutes, I think most babies would have needed a little attention at the time of birth. This whole scene was a reminder that even though our work is emotionally charged, we must try to remain as calm as possible and use our critical thinking skills. The reason we do mock codes is so that when something happens, we “switch on” almost to autopilot, so that we can perform the necessary tasks methodically and easily. I know as a nurse and midwife, Shelagh must have been devastated to witness Lizzie’s death, but she was able to think critically and quickly in that moment, and that saved a baby’s life.

Season 12 came to a close with us experiencing some of the highest highs and lowest lows, all within the last hour. The writers remind us that even though some tragedies are unavoidable, there is also a lot of love in the world. We, as a collective society, need to refocus ourselves on that love. We should do what we can to promote love, equity, and safety for all. Decisions we make today will shape future generations, so they can move forward with love in their hearts instead of fear and hatred. Go where love is, because that is where life is.