Editor’s Note: The opinions expressed in this blog post are solely those of the author.

I’m not sure if I’m just running on too little sleep, or feeling extra emotional as I grieve the recent loss of my grandfather, but this week’s episode of Call the Midwife certainly knew how to bring tears to my eyes on more than one occasion. I’ve been reflecting on my career a lot this week. I am so grateful to have a job that I love, one that feels important, and to have the opportunity to make a difference in so many lives. I attended the birth of a baby this week which was my third birth for this family—I’ve caught all three of their babies! That has happened for me only once before, and is such a special experience.

I’m also tired. This work can be heavy, emotional, and draining. I work during the day for the first half of the week, and then at night the second half. I spend time outside of my paid working hours answering patient messages and reviewing labs. It’s been a long two years of working in health care during a pandemic. I also have three little ones of my own at home, two of which are not very partial to sleeping through the night!

I felt like this episode spoke straight to my heart. It reminded me of why nursing and midwifery has been my passion for so many years. It reminded me of the ways that we can impact our patients, and how the way that we approach our care can make the difference between patients trusting their health care provider and from being completely turned off from seeking medical care. I saw so much of myself in Sister Monica Joan. When she visited Ms. Dulcie Greenhalgh, she explained that her calling was nursing. Without nursing, she felt like her life was without purpose, like it was over before she was dead. For Sister Monica Joan, helping others through providing nursing care was a way that she could use her God-given talent and help improve the lives of others. She very much felt like God was calling her serve His people through the Sisterhood, as well as in nursing.

While I have a somewhat different view on God (I was raised Catholic but I suppose I identify more now as… spiritual, I guess), I do feel that I was meant to be a nurse and a midwife. I never really thought about it this way or put it down on paper until this moment, but I suppose I do have a gift for this work. Imposter syndrome often keeps me from acknowledging this, so I am grateful for the colleagues who have helped me to feel my worth lately. I have had several of our staff nurses come to see me for care during their pregnancies. It feels like such an honor to be trusted to care for them. I received the most beautiful text message from a travel nurse that I’ve worked with recently, where she told me how much she learned from me and that she admired how “amazing” I am at what I do. It’s hard for me to take those kinds of compliments, but somehow, after seeing Sister Monica Joan explain her calling, I feel like I can own it. I not only felt called to this work, it seems like I was made for it.

This week, Shelagh provided a beautiful example of what nursing and midwifery should be. She came to Clover/Susie in her time of need. Although the abandoned warehouse was far from the ideal location to deliver a baby, Shelagh never once acted disgusted or bothered to be there. She knew that there was a young woman there who needed unwavering love and support, and she provided that. Shelagh stayed calm in the midst of a very surprising medical emergency, and in doing so, helped to keep Clover/Susie calm, too. This was an excellent reminder that as the health care provider in the room, our affect, mood, and the words we choose will set the tone. During a birth, I like to speak gently enough that it’s not startling, but loud enough that it can be heard. I like to keep all side conversations to only what is essential. If there is any unexpected outcome or emergency, I hope that like Shelagh, I’m able to remain calm and assertive in the moment.

I’m so grateful that I’m able to take this time to reflect on Call the Midwife each week, and that in doing so, I’m able to reflect on my own work as a midwife. I’m proud of the connections that I make with patients, and honored to be trusted by them to share in some of the most important experiences of their lives. My love for this work isn’t going to make me any less tired or prevent burnout. However, the feeling that I get when I know that I’ve helped someone through my midwifery care really does make my heart feel at peace, and for now, that keeps me going.