Editor’s Note: The opinions expressed in this blog post are solely those of the author.

“We are nothing without change. Cells multiply and cluster from the moment we are conceived. Biology shapes the smallest seed but fate can propel us in every direction without ever asking us which wind we wish to ride”.

Episode five storylines entailed shock, joy, money and a trip (Phyllis); pain and loss (Lucille); disappointment followed by an opening door of a job opportunity (Cyril); love and then a calling to fill a family need (Trixie); however, the storyline that I want to focus on is Gordon and his abusive wife Glenda. We witness several opportunities where there are small signs and signals of things amiss and how they can be mistakenly seen as normal events (fractured bone, perforated eardrum, markings on the body). I was so happy when we were able to see a highly functioning team being aware, open, and available to help identify this family tragedy and then moving to an action stage. The daughter (Debbie) needed great courage at a very young tender age to report the abuse. If there were not these windows of opportunity this abuse would have continued on much longer. Several things helped facilitate the openness to the discovery of domestic violence and the physical abuse of the children as multiple people were open to the signs and varied factors were aligned to help intervene with this family.

Sister Hilda was wise knowing that the discussion regarding menses and puberty would be best accepted by two young midwives (Sister Frances and Nancy). This was very wise and showed such maturity in knowing that the messenger is as important as the message!! Approaching the teacher (Mr. Weatherby) and getting him on board with this endeavor of teaching about their transitioning bodies was needed and he was a sensitive and open educator. Sister Frances and Nancy did a fabulous job of connecting with the younger girls and setting the stage for privacy by using an all-important anonymous comment/question box!!

As a Modern Day Midwife we need to be aware of signs and symptoms as victims often initially approach their provider/ practitioners. As well many will be seen within the hospital in the emergency room so providers have an opportunity to be alert. It must be among every provider’s competencies to identify indications of violence to try to intervene and document them accordingly.

Domestic violence or intimate partner violence is actually much more prevalent than most people realize. There are varied factors as to why this can occur but some contributing reasons can be a deep sense of embarrassment that an individual can feel, the fear of additional abuse or violence if someone ever discloses this hidden issue, societal stigma, and even lack of many resources to assist the victim(s). One thing that is helpful is learning more about some of the alarming statistics as this may assist us in opening up the conversation. It is of note that 85% of domestic violence victims are women and that one in four women in the U.S. will be targeted by an abusive partner in their lifetime. This storyline dealt with abuse from the mother/wife. It brings to light and reminds us that all people can be abusers!! The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS) is an ongoing survey that collects the most current and comprehensive national- and state-level data on intimate partner violence, sexual violence and stalking victimization in the United States. The Center for Disease Control (CDC) developed NISVS to collect data on these important public health problems and enhance violence prevention efforts. The latest survey was done in 2016/2017. There is a link in the resources to read more about the survey and learn of some of the statistics.

It was shocking to read that nearly 1 in 5 women (19.3%) and 1 in 59 men (1.7%) have been raped in their lifetime and that approximately 1.9 million women were raped during the year prior to the survey. One in 4 women (22.3%) and 1 in 7 men (14.0%) have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner. One in 6 women (15.2%) compared to 1 in 19 men (5.7%) have been stalked during their lifetime. The majority of this victimization starts early in life.

The prevalence of violence against men and the risk factors for them have not been studied as much as for violence against women. It is important to do more research along with the development of further preventive measures for affected male children and adults.

It is important to be open, to listen and to ask what we can do to help as we assist the individual to pursue services. I found a website which helped to locate services by entering your zip code or postal code. It is called Domestic Shelter and the search tool allows anyone in the U.S./Canada to find nearby domestic violence programs and shelters. They also had a valuable list of 25 Ways to Help those experiencing abuse.

The visual of Sister Frances picking up the dandelion and blowing on it brought me back to my childhood. I looked up the meaning or symbolism of a dandelion. I read that the dandelion symbolizes the sun (its golden head), the moon (the puffy white seed) and the stars (when they blow to the winds). For some people, the blowing of a dandelion is a symbol of hope and represents overcoming difficulties and obstacles in life. I still love picking them up, making a wish, and setting the seeds blowing every direction into the wind. I will probably now think of this storyline when I go to do this! I am thankful that in this episode – there was hope along with a new path towards healing.

One final thing - I did look up how much Phyllis had for her trip - £5,000 in 1960 would be equivalent to £122,695.98 today which would convert to $159,921.94. She will have fun!

“People say love hurts –that is not true. Love that wounds is not love but its opposite and if love cannot cure all ills it can heal and it can strengthen. Love is our blood and in our bones. The question is not always who we love but why – not where we go but when and how we stay tethered when our roots are torn and we are scattered on the breeze. What would we be without love and what would be our purpose? Only the heart knows the answers. Let it beat as it will and as it must. The heart is wise and never loses its way.

RESOURCES

Center for Disease Control: Violence Prevention

Domestic Shelter: Find shelters

25 things you can do to help someone being abused

Domestic Violence Statistics

Love is Respect National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline

Call 1-866-331-9474 or TTY 1-866-331-8453

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Call 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224.

National Resource Center on Domestic Violence

Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network’s (RAINN) National Sexual Assault Hotline

Call 800-656-HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.