“A new beginning is a welcome thing: a new week, a new job, a new term at school. Each brings the thrill of a clean slate - the shining star. The heart leaps up with the chance to try again, to do our best, to sow the seed of something that will grow. Autumn is when we plant the promises of Spring- unsullied, pure, and perfect.”

Episode 6 dealt with connective narratives that I felt were weaved throughout the varied storylines: struggling on your own or in isolation and the need for friends and community to partner with us as we travel our path. It in many ways came down to the need to be seen and heard. I felt this theme as I watched the episode with Joey and his adult responsibilities, Mr. Fletcher with his health issues (psoriasis) and having to deal with them on his own after his wife had abandoned the family, Heather and her teen pregnancy and history of verbal and emotional abuse from her mother (being called a ‘mistake’), Trixie and being overwhelmed with her wedding preparations, and Sister Monica Joan feeling lonely and then finding friendship with the most adorable dog she named “Nothing”. 

As a Modern Day Midwife it made me reflect on the climate many women may currently face with feeling unseen and unheard within the realm of women’s health care. There are so many issues within options for women’s healthcare such as contraception, choices and options surrounding unplanned pregnancies, options within pregnancy and birth care…just putting it simply reproductive justice. Reproductive Justice is really the right to have children, not to have children, and to parent children in healthy and safe environments. At times I feel discouraged, angry and frankly as if we have traveled to another galaxy far far away that does not see or hear women.

It got me thinking that rather than feeling overwhelmed maybe I have to reflect and go back to my mindfulness training. I need to stay focused, stay in the moment and this will help as I engage to hopefully make others feel seen and heard. I reflected that we all wear many hats from work, school, neighborhoods, and home with our colleagues, friends, and family. We all have our communities.

I spent some time looking online for suggestions to better engage and strategies to make people feel seen and heard. What I found were often common sense suggestions; however, they are positive strategies to reflect and focus on. I decided to really try to engage and do these things yesterday—and not only did it possibly make others feel seen and heard—but it made me feel more grounded and engaged with them.

Some of the suggestions or approaches were to make eye contact, to acknowledge that you’ve heard what someone is saying, and that this issue matters to them. When appropriate to ask clarifying questions so you can demonstrate that you are actively listening; but, to do this without judgement. Pay attention to your body language and facial expressions. Think and inquire do they need anything from you and truly seek to find this out!! Use verbal affirmations to show that you are still engaged and ask questions as you need to. One of the hardest is to accept that your role is often not to ‘solve’ the issue for them. We really instead need to create space so they can ‘solve’ the issue themselves—but assist if they ask for this.

I loved when Trixie was able to embrace delegating and that the help she could find had been right in front of her the entire time. It just sometimes takes us time to stop struggling and ask and accept help.

Not everything can be solved; but, problems, issues, conflicts can be approached and worked on much stronger when we see, listen and then engage with the work that is needed together.

In a few weeks I will be lucky to present some of my scholarship focuses and attend the Annual Meeting for the American College of Nurse-Midwives (ACNM). The theme for the conference is Reimage and Rebuild. I wanted to thank Call the Midwife—because after watching the show and then reflecting and blogging—I went from feeling overwhelmed when I was thinking of the work ahead—to feeling like I reminded myself of the tools I will need when I go to the Annual Meeting. I want to be seen and heard –and so do others that will be there. In recent years we seem to have a very angry membership and I have found it disturbing and troubling. We have list serves and communication platforms and I have found them difficult to read as some are very negative, attack style communication, and you can really feel the animosity with varied views. There is much work ahead within midwifery and we will be stronger addressing the issues together.

“Sometimes the fates decree we should start our lives afresh. We must forgive where we condemned and seek to mend the things we shattered. Nothing may ever be perfect again; but, there is always beauty somewhere. Hold it close; breathe it in – in case it cannot stay. The heart will always find its place. Some call it home. Some call it friendship. If we’re lucky – we call it Love. And love is a process of lifelong learning. A lesson in where we belong and what defines us and an education in things we can never measure - a page forever fresh and waiting to be turned.”

RESOURCEs

American College of Nurse Midwives (ACNM) Annual Meeting